Are you writing this down?

Jen asked me that this evening -- morning for her, evening for me -- as we skyped and im'd stories over an intermittent internet connection.

A girl knocked on my door this morning.  I recognized her, but still am not sure where from.  No one other than Sammy (who lives in a little house on our property) has ever come to our door before.  It was Sunday morning, I was still in my house coat, she was dressed in a nice peach coloured outfit (long skirt, jacket, and white blouse).  She said my name and then asked if I was going to church.  When I said no, she reminded me that it was Sunday.

"How can I help you?"

"My father has died and I don't have fare to see him."

"So, your father has died?"

"100 shillings to get to hospital."

"You need fare to get to the hospital?"

"Yes."

So, I gave her 100 shillings... I'm wondering now why I didn't give her more... she took it, the same way our gardener takes small gifts I sometimes bring home from the store, like a bag of sugar and tea leaves, or maize flour, or rice, with both hands out and her head bowed, with a quiet thank you.    

"Take care of yourself."  And I watched her walk away.

.......................................................................................

I've been meeting with a few young women from the university.  I wanted to know what it was really like to be a young woman in Kenya.  I was hoping that, I don't know, maybe there was some relevance to Life Coaching here.

We talk about what it means to be an empowered woman and what are the barriers to women's empowerment in Kenya -- culture and men, according to the girls.  They told me that women are seen as children with small minds.  They are here to have children, cook, and do house chores.  Even your son is above you.  Even a 5 year old son will call his mother stupid.

They did not have a lot of good to say about Kenyan men.  As one of the girls shared, "According to where I am, there are no good men."

We talk about what is so great about each of us (this one took a little coaxing).  Among these women are self-proclaimed qualities like... being responsible was a big one, an important attribute to each of these girls.  One is the best hockey player and the best cook.  Another is "small in body, but can stand in front of big people and talk to them."  One is a "sports lady", is independent and will be finished her studies at 22.  I love this one... "no one can sit on me, I know my rights."

We are planning an event for International Women's Day.  I gave them the idea and they are running with it.  They have chosen the theme, "Men and Women united to end violence against women and girls."  They want to invite some of their guy friends... it seems there are a few good men in Kakamega (I had a hunch!).

They told me stories, some from the newspaper and some from the community, of a 7 year old girl being raped by her grandfather.  And a 10 year old girl, in class 5 at a local primary school, who had been driven to school every day by the same piki piki.  One day he took her into the maize fields and raped her.  A teenage girl and her boyfriend were walking in Kefinco (our area) at night and were attacked.  The boy ran away to get help and came back just in time to save his girlfriend from being raped.  One story, the last one before we changed the subject, was of a 7 month old baby girl.  She has spinal damage from the violation and will never walk again.

I asked them why it is that people smile, even when they tell these tragic stories (we were not smiling at this point, we were all bewildered).  My friend Joyce told me that maybe they don't want to upset me.  One of the girls said that smiling helped to motivate them to go on.  They all assured me that they are suffering inside.

We talked about body image and is it an issue here.  Yes.  Women want western fashion.  They want light skin and will use bleach, fairing cream, and pills to try and achieve it.  They don't accept what they are and they look worse when they try to change.  If you look, you will see women with light faces, but if you look at their arms and their legs, they are dark.  You can't change what you are.  One girl hates her stomach, another has promised herself that this year she will get fat.  She is eating chips at least two times a day.  Seems some things are universal. 

Words like widows and orphans and HIV are part of everyday conversation here.  Not being able to pay school fees is a daily struggle.  This week is registration week for schools.  If you do not pay your registration, you will just be sent home.  It is a stressful week.  One of the girls in our group has not paid her registration... I want to offer, but I don't.  I'm just quiet.  If she asks, I will say yes.